


What Now?

by Squiped_Mew



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Depressed Ikari Shinji, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, No rebuild stuff, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Canon, Post-Third Impact, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Rei being Rei, Set directly after End of Evangelion, Survival, Survival story, and the adults too, at least, dont worry it was an angel, everyone gets a little bit better, except for seele's leader he deserves nothing, i just want my children to be happy, no one did the do with you know who, until she dies, very melancholy slice of life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2019-11-01 11:17:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17866253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squiped_Mew/pseuds/Squiped_Mew
Summary: After the whole 'everyone becoming one' thing doesn't work out, and the apocalypse has pretty much happened, we woke up on a beach and now trying to survive in this cold, bleak world.Hopefully, the others will crawl out the ocean like we did soon."Fuck off, idiot."Okay.





	1. The One Where Shinji Is Perfectly Sane, And We Get An Iconic Picture Painted For Us In Word Form (You Know The One)

_ What now? _

  
  
  


The beach Shinji is sitting on is cold, sand clammy and brittle. Next to him, Asuka lays asleep, the events that had transpired over the past few minutes a little too much for her to handle. 

  
  


Shinji wishes he could black out too. It’d make life a lot easier if he just layed down and died here. 

 

Then again, it’d be kind of a waste of the chance that Rei -  _ that giant thing that wore my friend’s face  _ \- had given him.

  
  


Out of instinct, Shinji turns to the bay’s horizon, seeing in the distance, that ever-smiling, cold face, leering back at him. He shivers, thinking of what had just happened. A domino effect, that had lead to humanity’s instrumentality, his instinctive strangling of Asuka, his only friend being killed by his own hands - 

  
  


The acid in his stomach rises up, and he forces the urge to vomit down. He can’t keep thinking about what had just happened, he’d go crazy. He’d actually lose it.

  
  


 

_ If you haven’t already. _

  
  


“Shut up brain,” Shinji mutters to himself.

  
  


_ I mean, you’re in the middle of a post-apocalyptic earth, the sky’s got a big-ass arch of blood across it, you’re best friend/dead mom is now giant, dead, and slowly decaying in front of you, so- _

  
  


“Shut up!” 

  
  


Asuka bolts up at that, Shinji’s sudden scream rousing her fight or flight instinct. And unlike Shinji, she usually choses fight, this time being now different, as she flings herself forward, fists flying outward to attack, do something, her injured arm hanging limply at her side. Shinji rolls to the side, dodging the blow. Sand sprays up behind them, as Shinji wracks his brain on how to calm Asuka down. 

 

“Asuka!” She doesn’t respond to that, lunging towards him again.

  
  


“Asuka, it’s _ me _ !!”

  
  


She stops, hands wrapped around his throat, a mirror image of earlier. Asuka blinks confusedly, eyes clearing, filled with familiar light and anger that Shinji hadn’t seen in days. 

 

“What the fuck.” Asuka grunts, pulling herself up from her knees, only to flop back down. “What the fuck?!”

  
  


Shinji feels like crying. But he already cried himself out into Asuka’s chest earlier. He just had no tears left.

 

“Asuka…” Not entirely sure what to say, or what would set Asuka off now that she was completely conscious, Shinji backed away a few paces, just to give himself a bit of some safety distance, in case the conversation went south. “Uh - welcome back?”

 

Asuka gives him a look, rolling her eyes at his awkward clearly-trying-too-hard-to-be-casual-ness, and turns. 

  
  


And catches an eyeful of dead Rei.

  
  


“JESUS FUCKING  _ CHRIST _ !!” Asuka swivels back to Shinji, crawling a few paces before vomiting all over his white shirt, standing it a putrid yellow color. Shinji yelps, surprised, and Asuka grabs him by his forearms to steady herself. 

 

“W… whathefuckisthatTHING?!” She huffs. Shinji gingerly pushes her off. 

 

“That’s… uh.”  _ That’s your dead frienimey who’d turned into my mom/god, interrogated me in my brain, turned everyone else into LCL, and then self-destructed once my psychoanalysis session was over. And may also have been a hive mind. _

 

_ Also you just died a few hours ago. Fun times. _

  
  


Yeah, because THAT sounded like the words of a completely safe and sane person. 

 

“Asuka - I need you not to freak out.” Shinji blurts out. Asuka gives him another look as if to say;  _ I’m already freaking out, how much worse can it be? _

  
  
  
  


Well, apparently, it’s a lot worse. 

  
  
  
  


“SON OF A MOTHER-FUCKING COCKSLURPING  DAS NÄCHSTE MAL ICH SEHEN SIE, DASS DER SHITY-MANN ICH SEINEN FICKEN ENTRAILT, DASS SOHN EINER SCHLAMPE-”

  
  


Apparently oblivious to the fact that she had slipped back into her native tongue, Shinji watched through his fingers as Asuka kicked the sand, punched the rubble around her, and screamed curses at Gendo, NERV, Rei, and pretty much everyone she had ever met in her time being an EVA pilot. Shinji expected her to slap him, and she looked dangerously close to doing so, but thankfully, she didn’t. 

  
  


When Asuka is finished, Shinji slowly pulls his head out of his hands, waiting for the verdict.

  
  
  


“...You… You okay?” He mutters.

  
  


‘OF COURSE I’M NOT OKAY, YOU IDIOT-” Asuka takes a deep breath in order to compose herself. “You’re telling me that NERV has been trying to turn everyone into a hive mind, and the ONLY REASON that they were fighting the Angels was because of that. OF COURSE I’m a little pissed - I’ve just wasted half my life fighting for these bastards!” Asuka kicks the sand one final time, and flops down onto the cold beach.

  
  
  


“...Show that sand who’s boss Asuka.” Shinji mumbles, mostly to himself. 

  
  
  


“Fuck off.” Asuka fires back. 

  
  
  


And they both stare across the horizon, at the face of their friend in the distance. In silence, mourning.

  
  
  


“...It’s hard to believe I ate lunch with that same giant” Asuka finally admits. Shinji nods, sitting down next to her. 

  
  
  
  


Silence for the next few minutes. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Now what?” 

  
  


Shinji considers this. 

  
  


“We need to find out if anyone else is still alive.” He finally replies, standing back up. “And we need food. And shelter.” 

 

“Where are we gonna get food?” Asuka remarks. “Besides, I’m not really hungry, I feel disgusting.” 

 

“You’re going to be wanting food later on.” Shinji shoots back, temper bubbling at the surface. “Besides, even if you don’t want food, you’ll want it later when you’re starving.”

 

Asuka closes her mouth. 

 

“The question is, where are we going to get food?” He mutters. 

 

“We could always go scavenge. Last time I checked, we ARE right by the ruins of Tokyo-3. And that probably has food - unless all the ramen turned into LCL too?”

 

Shinji shakes his head. 

 

“That’s what I thought.” Asuka stands up as well, facing Shinji, some resemblance to confidence in her tone. “Let’s go.” 

 

They both turn, one last time, to look at Rei. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Disgusting.” Asuka mumbles. 

  
  


 

 

 

 

And Shinji can’t help but agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, I finally get to write about my other fav anime besides BNHA! (Yeah, I watch EVA. What are you gonna do about it, ATHEISTS?)
> 
> Leave Kudos if you enjoyed! (or don't, that's cool too).
> 
> Discord: https://discord.gg/7fGKDJ2
> 
> tumblr: https://squipedmew.tumblr.com/


	2. The One Where Shinji Discovers That Convenience Stores Really Are Convenient

After humming the ‘It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia’ theme for about five minutes, Asuka finally snaps, and yells at Shinji to shut up. He does.

  
  


In his defense, he hums when he’s nervous. Which he tells Asuka, but she’s not having any of that, and wacks him on the head. Which was also really uncalled for.

  
  
  
  


Eventually, they scale the large pile of rubble that was barring their way from New-Tokyo, and reach the top.

  
  
  


Despite all of Seelie’s attacks on NERV and the landscape around it’s base, the city was surprisingly intact. The Third Impact seemed to have only affected people, and not the landscapes. 

  
  


“So…” Shinji finally says, twisting his knuckles nervously. “Where should we start?”

 

Asuka stares out at the abandoned city, eyes scanning the area for any survivors. 

 

“Let’s go find a supermarket.” She replies, finally.

  
  
  
  


They do, eventually, find one. It’s a twenty-four hour convenience store, and it’s fairly intact. The ailes inside are filled with dust and rubble, and Shinji vaguely wonders if they were dead longer than he thought.

  
  


_ Not dead, idiot. Stuck in a hive-mind. _

  
  


Shinji shakes off the mounting feelings of terror he feels when he thinks about the Third Impact, and joins Asuka in picking up as much food as possible.

 

“Get stuff that preserves well.” Asuka says, stumbling under the weight of so many bags of chips and cans. She only has one arm in commision after all, the other one still bandaged up and limp. 

 

“Let me help.” Shinji reaches for the cans Asuka is holding, but she swats his hand away. 

 

“I don’t need your damn pity, idiot.” She growls at him. Shinji blanches, her harsh tone reminding him of the kitchen incident. 

 

“Sorry.” He mutters, and goes back to grabbing food. 

  
  
  


They eventually have to get a bag. Asuka comes up with the idea to use Shinji’s shirt, so now they were walking around the abandoned city, Shinji shivering from the wind blowing on his exposed torso.

  
  
  
  


“We need shelter.” Asuka eventually says, as they climb up a fire escape to get a better vantage point. 

 

“Agreed.” Shinji scans the area for something to use. An abandoned building, perhaps?

 

They couldn’t go back to Tokyo-Three, as that place had been destroyed. So their old home was out of the question.

 

“Try and find an apartment building that looks the least destroyed.” Shinji says. Asuka gives him a weird look.

 

“How are we going to know it’s an apartment building?” She remarked. Shinji shrugged. 

 

“Guess, I suppose.” 

 

Asuka rolls her eyes, and goes back to scanning the area.

  
  
  
  


Eventually, they settle on a building that’s a few blocks down. It doesn’t look too dilapidated, and it’s exterior looked welcoming and well lived in. If they were lucky, they could use someone else's apartment. 

  
  


Asuka was fine with that. But Shinji… well, he was kind of weirded out by stealing a dead person’s apartment.

  
  
  


_ Again, not dead. Could be coming back any second now, like you and Asuka did. _

  
  
  


As they walk, Shinji takes count of their food supplies. 

  
  


They have:

 

-34 bags of chips

 

-12 huge jugs of lukewarm water

 

-23 canned goods

 

-A first-aid kit-

  
  


“Where’d you get the first aid kit?” Shinji asks. 

 

“It was behind the counter,” Asuka replies airly. 

  
  


“Huh.”  _ What would a cashier need a first-aid kit for? Counter fights? Bar fights but in a convenience store? _

  
  
  
  


“Hey asshole, you’re muttering again.” SHinji stiffens, trying to ignore Asuka’s glare, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

 

“Sorry.” He mumbles back.

  
  
  
  


Eventually, they reached the building. It was shabby looking, and small. A good hideout from -

 

“What are we hiding from exactly?” Shinji asks. 

  
  


Asuka gives him another look. “If any of those Seelie goons come out of the ocean like we did.” She retorts, tossing her orange hair over her shoulder. “I don’t want to die again. Once is enough.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Inside, the apartment is quiet. Too quiet. 

  
  


Shinji can hear the sounds of wet carpet under his feet, and prays the liquid is just water, and not LCL. 

  
  
  


Asuka scans the directory sitting on a wall, and then turns for the elevator. “Asuka, that’s not going to work.” 

 

She ignores him, and presses the button. 

  
  


The elevator lets out a horrible screeching sound, most likely from rust or something. Asuka and Shinji cover their ears, and wait for it to stop.

  
  


It does eventually, and Shinji slowly uncovers his ears.

 

“Guess we’re taking the stairs.” He mutters. Asuka sighs, hating being proved wrong.

  
  
  
  
  


“You picked… apartment 11-A-2.” He mutters when they get there. “Asuka, that’s-”

 

“The same as our old one. I know.” She tries the door, only to discover it’s locked. 

 

So she kicks it down, and they enter.

  
  
  
  


Whoever used to live here was obviously a girl, Shinji deduces when they step in. It’s a rather sparse apartment, but the furnishings are decidedly feminine, with the lacy throw pillows and plush couches. This is confirmed when he sees laundry hanging outside, clothesline sporting a bra, along with various other undergarments. 

 

Asuka takes the clothesline, and marches off to the bedroom with it.

  
  
  


“Am I on the couch?” Shinji asks.

  
  


There’s no response.

  
  
  


Shinji sighs, puts his shirt-bag down, and takes his shoes off. In the other room, he can hear faint snoring. 

  
  
  


_ She must be exhausted _ , Shinji thought.  _ I am too. _

  
  
  


So he lays on the couch, and stares at the unfamiliar ceiling. Trying to sleep.

  
  
  


He can’t, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, it occurred to me that Shinji probably would know the ‘It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia’ theme. Whatever.
> 
> Leave Kudos if you enjoyed! (or don't, that's cool too).
> 
> Discord: https://discord.gg/7fGKDJ2
> 
> tumblr: https://squipedmew.tumblr.com/


	3. The One Where Asuka Adopts A Seagull To Fill The Pen-Pen Sized Hole In Her Heart

Apparently the animals haven't dissolved into LCL, a fact that Shinji learns when he wakes up with a seagull sitting on his face.

  
  
  


“A - Asuka?” Shinji calls, too afraid to move for fear of the seagull taking a shit on him. Which would be a horrible way to start the morning. 

 

He hears a sleepy mumble from the other room, but no sign of Asuka getting up to help him.

  
  


“Asuka, there’s a seagull on my face.” He yells again.

 

  
Another mumble, and the rustling of sheets.

  
  


“Asuka, help?”

 

She stumbles into the room, wearing nothing but her bra and underwear.

 

“Oh hey you weren’t kidding.” Shinji feels like he should be flustered, but he’s seen so much shit that tits don’t really bother him anymore. Besides, all boobs looked small compared to Giant-Naked-Rei’s-

 

_ And, we’re hitting the emergency exit on that train of thought. _

  
  


“Help??” Asuka sighs, and picks the seagull up, off of Shinji’s face. “You could have just gotten it off by yourself, moron.” She remarks snarkily, her voice crackly from sleep and yelling.

 

“If I touched him, he would have taken a shit on my face. And that includes my mouth.” Shinji gestures animatedly towards his face, covered in seagull down and fluff. “I do not want to have a breakfast of bird turd, thank you very much.”

 

Asuka rolls her eyes. “You’re such a drama queen.” She mutters, and opens the window so the bird can fly away.

  
  


But he doesn’t.

 

He sits on Asuka’s arm, looking perfectly content.

 

“Hey - get off, you mangy bird.” Asuka remarks, nudging the bird slightly. 

 

The bird still doesn’t move.

  
  


“...I think it likes you.” Shinji remarks. For once, Asuka nods, too busy staring at the small seagull.

 

It’s wings are dirty, face stained with red from being in the ocean for too long. It looks skinny, malnourished, and thourghly disgusting.

  
  
  


“I have decided I love him.” Asuka states flatly, after about a minute. “We’re keeping the bird.”

  
  
  


“Wait -” But Asuka had already strolled over to their food pantry, and pulls out a bag of chips, which the seagull eagerly digs into. “Asuka, we can’t care for a seagull - we don’t have enough food for that.”

 

“He can do it himself, Shinji.” She replies, still not looking at him. “He just needs some help getting back on his feet.”

 

Shinji sighs. He was in no mood to argue with Asuka, especially because they were alone, in a kitchen, in the morning - 

  
  


_ Again, hitting the emergency exit on that train of thought. _

  
  
  


“Hey Asuka?” Asuka looks up from the seagull. 

  
  


“How much do you remember about instrumentality?” Shinji asks. 

  
  


Asuka blinks, silent. 

 

Then, she sighs, moving the seagull from her arm to her head. His (maybe a her, they don’t know yet) head it still stuck inside the chip bag, and Shinji laughs a little. It’s a funny sight, seeing a half-naked Asuka with a seagull on her head whose head is stuck in a chip bag. He wishes he could take a picture. 

  
  


“I don’t… remember much.” She sighs, looking up at the ceiling. “It was - cold. Everything really hurt from those mass-produced EVA’s fucking me up.” Twisting her knuckles, she plowed on. “But I remember… voices.”

 

“Voices?” Shinji asks. Asuka leans back a little, the light casting a dark shadow over her face.

  
  


“I dunno who some of them are - but I think I heard your dad.”

 

“My father?” That wasn’t a surprise. Gendo wanted the Human Instrumentality Project to happen more than anything. 

  
  


“He was… it sounded like he was crying.” 

 

Shinji’s heart sinks a little. But he quickly crushes any pity he has for his deadbeat father. “Good.”

 

Asuka blinks. “He should suffer for being an asshole.” Shinji plows on. “Trust me.”

 

“Wow, that’s harsh.” Asuka scratches the seagull’s chin a little bit, and it makes a cute squeaking noise in response. “Especially from you.”

 

“I’m not as nice as people think - I’m just a pushover, so I stew in my rage and don’t really do anything about it.” Shinji deadpans, before turning to the sink to test the running water. “Besides, this isn’t about my parental issues. It’s about you.”

 

“Right.” Asuka tosses a chip up into the air, seeing if the seagull can catch it. The seagull does not, the chip bouncing off of it’s little head instead.  Asuka sighs. “Well, I remember hearing your dad - along with a bunch of other people, there was a lot of crying.” 

 

That made sense. Instrumentality was scary.

 

“And… someone was calling for me.” 

 

Shinji stops with the sink, turning.

 

“I don’t know who it was - but they wanted me to help them.” She scoffs. “It was pathetic.” 

 

“And then what?!” Shinji exclaims, causing Asuka to raise her eyebrows. 

 

“...And then I couldn’t breathe.”

  
  
  
  


_ Oh shit. _

  
  


What is he supposed to do?

 

He can’t just tell her that he tried to -

  
  


“Oh, okay.” Shinji turns back to the sink. “That it?”

 

“Uh -” Surprised by his sudden mood shift, Asuka fidgets nervously. “I guess so.” 

 

“Mhh.” 

  
  
  


That last sentence was all he really needed to hear.

  
  
  
  
  
  


The seagull’s name is decided, after Shinji checks it’s butt and determines it’s male. The name is Arschchan, which apparently translated as seagull. The way Asuka laughs when he calls for Arschchan makes him think that that’s not actually what it means, and Asuka’s playing a little multilingual prank on him.

  
  


Still, it’s nice to see her smiling with no mockery or diresion in her face.

  
  
  


And that, Shinji decides when he goes to scout out the wildlife, is almost worth her bad behavior towards him before.

  
  
  
  


Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It IS the human instramentality project, not the everything project. so this is plausable.
> 
> Put Arsch through google translate, and see what it means.
> 
> Leave Kudos if you enjoyed! (or don't, that's cool too).
> 
> Discord: https://discord.gg/7fGKDJ2
> 
> tumblr: https://squipedmew.tumblr.com/


	4. The One Where Shinji Gets Cracking And ARSCHCHAN NOOO!!

The city is much nicer when no one’s in it, surprisingly.

 

Shinji wanders the ruined streets, the faint sun finally peeking through the clouds. Shinji takes a deep breath, ignoring the dust that tickles the back of his throat.

  
  
  


The last few days had been… something. Arschchan had, as Shinji predicted, a big strain on their food supplies, but as of yesterday, he had flown off, healthy again. Asuka was very unhappy to see him go. 

  
  


Shinji couldn’t care less about that ratty thing, but was sort of sad for the distraction it provided Asuka. He didn’t have to provide any conversation and he could steer clear of her. 

 

Of the kitchen incident that burned a hole in his mind.

  
  
  


Shinji had reached the edge of Tokyo-3. The highways leading out were faded and cracked, almost like they had been gone longer.

 

How long were they in instrumentality anyways?

 

It couldn’t have been too long, the city’s destruction was too brand new. Nothing was overgrown.

  
  


Speaking of growth, Shinji spies a small, pretty much untouched shop at the edge of Tokyo-3. Shinji slowly creeps in, the darkness of the shop making him wary. 

  
  


He tries the light. It doesn’t turn on. However, there are candles laying in the window corner, so he lights them.

  
  


It’s a plant shop, a seed shop to be more exact. The shelves are filled with seed packets and gardening tools.

 

  
Shinji sighs. None of this is going to help him -

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“You want to grow a garden?” Asuka asks, incredulous look on her face.

 

“Mhm.” Shinji spits out the seed packet in his mouth and dumps the fortyish packets he stole borrowed from the store onto the ground. “I realized that we couldn’t scavenge forever, not to mention it’s not very convenient. We need a self-sustaining food system, and this would be the most convenient way to get it!” 

 

“...I dunno.” Asuka looks on the fence, so Shinji plows on.    
  


“Also, it’ll give us something to do. And all the food might attract Arschchan back!” Asuka perks up at that, then sighs.

 

“Where are we going to even put the garden?” 

 

“We could make a raised garden bed on the roof of this apartment.” Shinji replies, starting to pace. “That way, we can get it easily and it gets a lot of sunlight and rain!”

 

“Where are we going to find soil?”

 

“Uhhh….” Shinji’s mind flashes back to an old faded bag inside the garden shop. “I think I saw some at the seed shop.”

 

“How about water?”

 

“Rain - actually, about the water issue…”

 

Shinji lays out a paper he’d been working on the past few days. “I realized that the water’s not running, but the reservoirs of water it uses have still gotta be here, right?”

 

Asuka nods. “So what I was thinking was that we find said reservoirs, that way, we can get unlimited water and not die of thirst.” Shinji gestures wildly out of nerves, mind racing at one hundred miles a minute. “And if we can’t do that, then we can always do the evaporate-cellophane method.” 

 

Asuka nods again, starting to catch on to Shinji’s idea. “Okay!” She exclaims. “That’s a less stupid idea than the garden, but if you want to start it, then go ahead.”

 

Shinji smiles, racing for the door. “Thanks Asuka!” He exclaims, racing outside to the stairs.

  
  
  
  
  


Three trips to the garden store later, Shinji has acquired two bags of soil, a half-used bag of fertilizer, a hoe, and a few more seeds. He now has a slew of various vegetables seeds, and was now lugging wooden planks up to the roof to start forming the garden bed.

  
  


Asuka had left nails and a hammer on the roof, which he was now using to hammer the planks together. His mind is lost in the fog of forcibly slamming nails down, when he saw something out of the corner of his eyes.

  
  
  
  
  


It was the ocean. 

  
  


Or more importantly, someone was crawling out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Place your bets on who's coming out of the sea first in the comments!!
> 
> Leave Kudos if you enjoyed! (or don't, that's cool too).
> 
> Discord: https://discord.gg/7fGKDJ2
> 
> tumblr: https://squipedmew.tumblr.com/


	5. The One Where The Birds Are Back! (oh yeah and the boys too)

Shinji has never run so fast in his life, and it’s showing by the time he and Asuka get down to the beach. His lungs are on fire, and everything hurts. He chokes back the urge to puke, because whoever was coming, they might not know. And throwing up probably wouldn’t be a very good first impression.

  
  


Then, Shinji notices that there were actually two people, one being carried on the other’s back, seemingly passed out. They looked familiar - but still too far away to make out.

 

“Asuka - do you -”

 

“Holy shit.” Asuka starts waving frantically, arm a blur of worn green fabric and skin. “HEY YOU TWO! HELP US!”

 

“Asuka, they can’t help - we’re the only two people on earth right now, it should be the other way around.”

 

Then, Shinji can make out the figures. It’s -

  
  
  


“Shigeru!” Shigeru, looking worse for the wear, looks up at him. “Shinji?!” He exclaims, the other person sliding off his back a bit in surprise, Shigeru quickly regaining his hold. “Holy shit, you’re alive! After you went into the clouds, we all assumed -”

  
  


The person on Shigeru’s back groaned, seeming to wake up. Shigeru jumped back in surprise, causing the other person to fall into the water. 

 

“Oh fuck -” Shigeru reached under the surf to pull out a coughing, soaking wet Makoto. 

 

“Jesus christ, what the hell -” Makoto stops, staring in shock at his surroundings. “What the fuck just happened?”

 

“Makoto?!” Both Shinji and Asuka exclaim. He seemed like the last person who’d want to leave Instrumentalities comfortable embrace - yet here he was. 

 

“Oh hey - it’s you two.” Makoto stands up on shaky legs, only to realize something and fall over again. 

 

“WAIT, YOU GUYS ARE ALIVE?” Shigeru sighs in the background, head cradled in his palms. “Hold up - but Asuka - we saw you die.”

 

“You saw me lose connection with you guys. I was just barely alive inside my Eva.” Asuka replies icily. It’s not something she wants to talk about, evident by her face. “Enough about me - what happened to you guys?”

 

“Well, we were in Nerv headquarters, and then - well, I got mobbed by a bunch of naked Rei’s, and then -” Shigeru shifts uncomfortably, red water sloshing between his feet. “Well, I dunno. Something. Sort of like a big, warm empty white in my mind - and a lot of weird faint noise, but at the same time it was silent.”

 

“You saw that too?” Makoto exclaims. “I thought - wait, naked Rei’s? Misato was the last thing I saw.”

 

“No - you got hugged by a Rei, dumbass.” Shigeru replies, flicking Makoto’s forehead. “I saw.”

 

“No, it was -”

 

“Look, your little married couple argument is cute and all, but you two need to get out of the water, unless you want to die of hypothermia.” Both men reacted to that, quickly shuffling out of the water at Asuka’s request. “We set up a fort across town, so come on. You guys need to dry off.”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


As they walked through the streets, Shinji’s mind wanders to someone else.

  
  


_ Asuka died - she wasn't alive. Maybe she’s saying that because she just doesn’t want to except the fact that she’s sort of dead. A zombie? _

  
  


_ If she can come back, then what about - _

  
  


Shinji shakes the thought out of his mind as soon as it pops in. Kaworu was an angel. He probably wasn’t included in instrumentality anyways. He didn’t get his happy ever after like he wanted.

  
  


_ He wanted you to live. He said if you’d live, he’d be happy. _

  
  


“Hey Shinji.” Shinji jerks out of his thoughts to see Makoto staring at him. “You good?”

 

“Oh - yeah. I’m fine.” He says quickly, turning away. 

  
  


Silence for a few minutes.

 

Shigeru’s the first to speak.

  
  
  


“So, is no one gonna explain what the giant naked Rei was all about, or…”

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


The men end up breaking into the room right next to the apartment that Asuka and Shinji had hijacked, since; “We don’t really want to share a room with a bunch of rowdy teenagers.”

 

“Geez.” Asuka sighs, heating up a pot of boiling water over a makeshift furnace. “You’d think they were thinking we were having sex every night or something.”

  
  


“Yeaaaahhhh…” Shinji mumbles. “Right.”

 

“Hey asshole, are you listening?”

  
  
  


_ His hands around her neck, squeezing the life out of if in pure rage - _

  
  


“Shinji?”

  
  


_ A blanketed gasp of betrayal, disgust and anger - _

  
  


“SHINJI!” A hand karate-chops the top of his head, and he flinches. “You awake?”

 

“S - sorry Asuka.” Shinji stutters out. “I was just - uh - distracted.”

  
  


Asuka gives him a look. “You better not be thinking about having sex with me you disgusting pervert.”

 

“That’s not what I was thinking about at all!”

  
  


Their squabble is interrupted by a squawk at the balcony door. Asuka opens it, to see -

  
  
  


“Arschchan!” Despite the seagull’s indignant shriek, Asuka picks him up and hugs him close to her chest. “You came back!”

 

“Oh great, the seagulls back.” Shinji mutters to himself.

  
  


“No way.”

  
  


Asuka’s looking down, at something on the bottom floor. 

 

“What is it?” Shinji saunters over and looks down, to see -

  
  
  
  
  
  


“PEN-PEN!!” They both exclaim.

 

 

 

 

Pen-Pen chirps in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone's favorite rarepair is here! also shinji's not okay, and his crippling mental issues will be adressed. But not before FLUFF!!
> 
> Leave Kudos if you enjoyed! (or don't, that's cool too).
> 
> Discord: https://discord.gg/7fGKDJ2
> 
> tumblr: https://squipedmew.tumblr.com/
> 
> youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1PtaW8dTzCzlDfb76VRU9Q


	6. The One Where The Gang Plots And Then Shinji Psychoanalyzes Himself

“That is literally the  _ stupidest _ idea I’ve ever heard.” Shigeru announces once Shinji explains the plan to break into Tokyo-3’s water reserve. 

  
  


“I mean, I’ve heard dumber things come out of your mouth while you were drunk.” Makoto remarks, absentmindedly petting Pen Pen, who had taken quite a liking to Arschchan, who was now sitting on the penguin’s head. Shigeru glares at him.

 

“Look, it’s the only idea we could come up with.” Shinji replies, drawing back his bomb blueprints. “The reservoirs blocked by huge pieces of debris, and we wouldn’t be able to move it.”

 

“But - like, wouldn’t the bomb collapse the inside of the reservoir?” Shigeru shoots back. 

 

“That was my main complaint.” Asuka remarks, wrapped in a cocoon of blankets, burrito-style on the couch. “I was worried about that, so that’s why I was kinda hesitant at first.” 

  
  


“But,” Shinji cuts in, “If we can calculate the blast so that it would get rid of the debris but not collapse the entire underground reservoir, then I think it’d work. Which is why I’m glad you two are here. You two know a lot about weapons and engineering, so I figured if anyone could help, it’d be you guys.” 

  
  


Shigeru looks at Makoto, who’s too busy cooing over the penguin. “Oh, am I the deciding vote?” He exclaims, head shooting up. “Uh, yeah. Shigeru and I can definitely do that.” 

 

“Awesome. Shiggy, you’re outvoted.” Ignoring the taller man’s protest at the vote (and the new nickname) Asuka hops off the counter to go change, Arschchan trailing after her. 

  
  
  


Silence in the kitchen. 

  
  
  


“Woman.” Shigeru remarks finally. 

 

“Never understand them.” Makoto adds. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Turns out, Shinji’s got quite a green thumb, and the garden on the roof is coming along pretty nicely. The tomatoes are his particular favorite - they’re turning out the best, little green sprouts looking exactly how they gardening book he stole borrowed said they should. The other ones look rather wimpy or malnourished. 

  
  


“Am I doing this right?” Shinji flips through the book, looking at some of the other entries, mumbling all the while. “Maybe the water is no good?” 

  
  
  
  


“Hey.” Shinji jumps, to see Asuka sitting right next to him. “How’s the uh… how’s it going?” 

  
  
  


“Fine.” Shinji turns away, not wanting to look at her. The kitchen incident had been weighing heavily on his mind lately, a hot bullet of guilt working it’s way right to her heart. 

 

He knew he couldn’t tell her. If he did, she’d hate him forever. Like Rei, or his father. 

  
  
  


He really was alone, wasn’t he? 

  
  
  
  


“...Thinking about him again?” Shinji perks up from his thoughts, to see Asuka staring thoughtfully at the sunset. “Your father.” 

 

“How’d you know.” Shinji mumbles, embarrassed. 

 

“You’re doing the look I do when I think about my mom.” She admits, rubbing the back of her head. “You know - face all scrunched up and crap.” 

  
  


The niceness is forced. That, Shinji can tell. 

  
  
  
  
  


“...What was your mom like?” Shinji asks. 

  
  
  


Asuka perks up at that, as if someone shocked her. 

  
  
  
  


“...I don’t really remember.” She admits, sounding resigned. “I was young when she died.”

  
  
  


  
Shinji can hear the lie behind the words. But he decides to put it out of his mind. 

  
  
  


“Well, maybe you should go help the other two.” 

 

“Bunch of technobabble - I have no idea what they’re talking about.” 

 

“What about Arschchan?” 

 

“Asleep. You know, I’m starting to think you’re trying to get rid of me.” 

 

“So what if - if I am?” Shinji bursts out. “Maybe I came up here to be alone. To think by myself or something.” 

 

“You want to be alone? You’ve got an entire world Shinji!” Asuka snaps back, gesturing to the great empty city below them. 

  
  


He doesn’t move, turning to look at Rei’s rotting face in the distance. Ignoring the remark. 

  
  
  
  


“...You always wanted people, but when you get them, you want to be alone.” Asuka mutters. “Pathetic.” 

  
  
  
  


Neither party responds for a minute. 

  
  
  
  


“What’s wrong with me.” Shinji mumbles, pulling his knees to his chest. “Why am I so fucked up?” 

 

“Because you refuse to do anything about it and decide to just languish in your misery for pity points.” Asuka shoots back. “If you want you life to get better, then you actually have to get off your ass and go fix it yourself.”

  
  


The truth hurts more then being burned, scalded by the hot liquid pain of reality. 

  
  
  
  
  


Silence again. 

  
  
  


“I’m gonna go inside.” Asuka mumbles. “Before I say something I regret later.” 

 

“Mhm.” Shinji isn’t really listening, Asuka’s words cycling through his head over and over. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He doesn’t sleep much that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i said fluff last chapter but like - angst. that first. 
> 
> also sorry this took so long i was busy with the other fic about clones or something
> 
> Leave Kudos if you enjoyed! (or don't, that's cool too).
> 
> Discord: https://discord.gg/7fGKDJ2
> 
> tumblr: https://squipedmew.tumblr.com/
> 
> youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1PtaW8dTzCzlDfb76VRU9Q


	7. The One Where It's A Sad Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short.

The night is lonley when it’s just Shinji on the roof.

 

He wants to go back down. But after the confrontation with Asuka - well, thinking about even talking to her makes him feel sick. 

  
  


He hates it. 

 

He knows he shouldn’t be afraid of her - if anything, it should be the other way around - he was the one who had almost strangled her to death.

  
  


But here he was.

  
  
  


“‘Ey.” Shinji turned to see Makoto’s head poking out of the trapdoor leading to the roof. “Mind if I join you?”

 

“Oh - no. Not at all.” Makoto sits next to Shinji, and they sit in silence.

  
  
  


“I’ve always wanted to see the stars in the city,” Makoto begins, “But I’ve never been able to do so because of light pollution. This is probably gonna be my only chance.” 

 

Shinji sniffs. “Probably not, actually. You’ll have plenty of time.”

 

“Nah. Everyone else will be back soon, I’m sure of it.”

  
  


Shinji flinches a bit at Makoto’s optimism. It stings, a little. He wishes he could be so sure that everyone would come back.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

“What’s that?” Asuka asks Shigeru, early morning light filtering through the curtained window. 

 

“Don’t touch that. It’s a bomb.”

 

“A BOMB?! And it’s just laying on the floor?!”

 

“I was going to put it in a box.”

 

“What’s a box gonna do?!”

 

“Hey.” Makoto looks up from his cup of noodles to glare at the two. “Shut up. I have a headache.”

 

“Oh, get over your lack of coffee, you nerd.” Shigeru snaps back. Shinji sighs. The coffee deprivation was hitting all of them hard - but particularly Makoto. He was a bit of an addict, you could say.

  
  


“So - when do you think we can head over to the reservoir?”

 

“Probably tomorrow or something.” Shigeru replies, tossing the bomb carelessly into a box, ignoring everyone’s panicked screeches. “If not that exact time, then definitely this week.”

 

“Great - just be more careful next time.” Makoto hisses. Shigeru winks at him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“So - “ Asuka says, watching Shinji tend to the plants on the roof. Shinji doesn’t look at her, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck prickle up. “You - doing okay?”

 

“The others sent you up here to check on me, didn’t they.”

 

“I mean -” Asuka huffs in indignation. “Look, I’m sorry for trying to be friendly, alright?!”

 

“Well you’re doing a really shitty job of it!”

  
  


The two glare at each other, before Shinji’s resolve finally cracks. 

  
  


And he breaks down.

  
  


“I just -” He says between shuddering sobs, “I just - I just -”

 

Asuka stands to the side, looking awkward. 

  
  
  


“I… I miss everyone - Rei - Toji - K-Kawarou -” The last name hits him harder then he would have liked, and he curls in on himself, the despair of the situation taking over.

  
  
  


Asuka puts a hand on his shoulder, unsure and wary. 

 

“You really loved him, didn’t you.”

 

Shinji inhales. Exhales. 

 

“He was - the only person who ever said they loved me. And I killed him, Asuka - with my own hands.”

 

She sighed sadly, turning back to the trapdoor. “I’m - going to get you some tea.”

 

Shinji nodded sadly as she shut the trapdoor.

  
  
  


He looked out over the horizon, at Rei’s cracked, smiling face.

  
  


_ Rei? _

 

_ Can you hear me? _

 

_ What would you do if you were me? _

 

_ Please… _

 

_ I’m scared. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> netflix i will fight you over my boy, you fucks.
> 
> Leave Kudos if you enjoyed! (or don't, that's cool too).
> 
> Discord: https://discord.gg/7fGKDJ2
> 
> tumblr: https://squipedmew.tumblr.com/
> 
> youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1PtaW8dTzCzlDfb76VRU9Q


End file.
